I REALLY SHOULDN'T. BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT OMG RAE I LOVE YOU FOR SHOWING ME THIS <3333333333333333333333333333

[link]



<3333333333333333333333333333333333333333 3333333333

It's dying. Like, falling into the abyss. =A=;;;;;




Yeahhh, haven't been checking up on dA as often, so it's like I haven't been in touch with people for agessss OTL

MERRY LATE CHRISTMAS XOIRPPIIII I HEARTZ YOU TOO.

...okay, now that's out of my system, MERRY LATE CRISTMAS TO EVERYONE ELSEEE <3333333 //SHOTSHOTGUTBRICKEDSNIPED.


Well, I guess one good thing about my increasing inactivity is that... I no longer feel the stingy attachment towards pageveiws/comment counts/favs anymore. _{^{does that mean I'm somehow less annoyingly childish or something? XD <--[Almost 20]}}
Oh I remember the prehistoric times when I did kiribans for 1000 pageviews a time XD



The point of this journal?

uhhh. Mainly to show I haven't died in a plane crash on my way back to Taiwan, I guess XD

....Also probably to somehow re-establish the fact that I may not be as much as a fanart-orientated artist as my gallery... suggests... <--[sounds self-contradicting orz]
Anyways, I guess I'm just sorta announcing that I'm going to go back to spitting out the five or six original stories spinning around in my head until some MOE KYUUUUN power _{^{COUGHHETALIACOUGH}} kidnaps me back into fanart =v=;;
_{^{yes, I admit I'm into Hetalia pure for the moe //SHOT}}
So in addition to picture artwork, I'm probably also going to start posting some writing which probably just about no one will read and hope my ideas go somewhere.

Also, yes. I have been thinking about commissions.
_{^{Oh my GOD my college tuition... my family keeps pressuring my to graduate in three years... which is possible credit-wise, but I wanna take more classes then three years will allowwwwww... dear lord I'm gonna cryy orz}}

But. The ultimate conclusion is: I probably wont be able to do anything worth getting paid if I feel depressed every time I see good art and those people I've known for a couple years and improve at rapidspeed orzorz

SO SO, IT STARTED SNOWING EARLIER THIS EVENING, AND BY TWELVE O'CLOCK-ISH THERE WAS LIKE FOUR INCHES OF SNOW ON THE GROUND....WAIT LEMME START OVER

okay, so the day started out kinda like one of those near-shitty days and I was being unproductive and braindead for nearly the whole day... so I start typing an emo journal thing while lurking around on Skype... then at about 11pm I go take a shower, come out, and a hoard of friends just TAKE ME OUT TO THE SNOWWWWW _{^{with proper clothes, that is XD}}

Keep in mind I've really only literarly seen real snow fall out of the sky like two days before or something like that XD;;;

So Sean starts putting a big black garbage bag over his head, and I'm like ??????? ....well maybe it's for extra warmth. WRONG.

So we go outside, and somehow all those bright bright lights on the side of the buildings seem like they're all turned on brighter than normal and and Amanda and I make a Snow Kurby AND IT WAS SO COOL. THEN WE ATTACK EACH OTHER WITH SNOWBALLS AND SLIP ALL OVER THE SNOW (....I didn't know that snow could be slippery orz) Pretty soon, I was actually sweating and had to take off my scarf.

Then we went behind the building where most of the sciences are taught (because there's a hill-ish thingy back there) and we went slieghing!!
Well, first, we tried to roll this GIGANTIC SNOWBALL (it was like, as tall as I was) in front of the science building so people could see it in the morning, BUT IT CRACKED IN HALF HALF-WAY DOWN THE HILL DDDD8
It was epic though, coz you could see all the dirt layers like rings in a tree XD

THEN we went sleighing down the hill XD......After Dan tried to pick me up and throw me down the hill.. orz
THIS IS WHERE THE GARBAGE BAGS COME IN HURRRR.
coz there were only like, two or three sleds around (just FYI, I don't even know if I'm spelling that right coz I never had to use that word XD)so, so some of us took a garbage bag, put it over our heads and made holes for our head and arms, THEN WE SLID DOWN THE HILL ON OUR STOMACHS LIKE PENGUINS!!! PENGUINS!!!!!

It was just pure, epic win.

We also squeezed three of us, in the order of Dan, me, and Amanda, all on one sleigh and WENT DOWN THE HILL HURRR. _{^{I think we almost crashed into the science building (of which I am reffering to the "science building" because I don't know how to spell that friggin German name thing OTL)}}

OH, And Gabbie went down the hill on this round sleigh that looked like the cap of a trashcan, and she kinda spinned around halfway down the hill and then......kinda did... crash into the building...

BUT SHE LIVES. SO IT'S ALL GOOD.

AND CHARLIE CAME BY AND ASKED FOR A CAMEO RIGHT NOW SO HERE IT GOES:
"SOME TARD CALLED CHARLIE THREW SNOWBALLS AT A GUY'S WINDOW AND THE GUY WASN'T EVEN THERE."

...I wanted to push Charlie off the hill though =w=;;; ...I think that's what got Dan trying to throw me off the hill XD

It was all good fun, but pretty soon, I kinda got into this weird state where my cheeks were freezing off, but my neck was sweating sort of thing. Oh, and I kinda got like a facefull of snow and snow all up my coat sleeves from trying to break my penguin sliding and not crash into the building XD
So we penguin slide down the hill and walk back to the dorms XD _{^{.....I think the snow got a little not-so-smooth by then and I hit a lump right on the spot over my stomach where it hurts for a long time when you hit it...soooo, that's feeling kinda weird right now =A=;;;;}}

So we all end up looking like drowned cats by the time we get back inside (it was still snowing while we were out... then it was kinda hailing) Aaaaand I had re-take my shower >w<~~~

'cup of hot chocolate and I spazz all over this journal XDDDDD
THIS HAS GOTTA BE ONE OF THE BEST FIRST-SNOW EXPERIENCES EVERRRRRRR <3333333

TWO MORE WEEKS.

1) ROSE HOUSE. [After the Russian restaurant at my place]
2) DANSUI OR NIGHT MARKET PLZ I NEED TO GET MY HANDS ON A GUN.
3) Scheduled cosplays <3333
4) PROPOSAL: LET'S DO SOME ORIGINAL COSPLAY-RELATED STUFFEHS. OvO+

Well, I was just thinking if you guys wanted to gather up at someone's house and we could do some original photoshoots (kinda like the time Seed cos'd as Izumi?) I dunno. Just fool around timez XD. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GUYYSSS.

_{I just need to, you know, live through my finals first orz.}



Oh, and and and HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNNNNN!!! THIS IS LATE I KNOW BUT I LOVEZ YOU SO YOU BETTER HAVE HAD A GOOD BIRTHDAY- //SHOT.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENN!!! I LOVEZ YOUUU AND CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU AGAINN <333

Tagged by LONG LONG AGO

ANOREXIA

[X] you have dry skin. [ONLY BECAUSE I MOVED FROM A 90% HUMID ISLAND TO NORMAL CLIMATE.]
[/] you eat 1 meal. [.....but I snack?]
[ ] you're very weak.
[X] you hate your body. [I like the proportion though... it's the FAT AND LACK OF MUSCLE I hate DX]
[X] you starve yourself. [......]
[X] you have low self esteem.
[X] you use laxatives. [STFU THERE'S REALY TOO MUCH WEIGHT IN THERE SOMETIMES.]
[X] you need to be more skinny. [AMERICAN STANDARDS CAN STFU.]
[ ] people always say you're skinny, but you think fat. [I AM]
[ ] people think you are too skinny.
Total: 6.5

ADHD (ATTENTION DEFICIT/HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER)

[ ] your mind is all over the place.
[ ] you are hyper most of the time.
[ ] you barely pay attention to anything.
[ ] you cannot cooperate with people well.
[ ] you seem to never sit still.
[ ] you talk all the time.
[X] you need attention 24/7.
Total: 1

BIPOLAR DISORDER

[X] you can act wild at times then the next day you are depressed.
[ ] you are very irritable.
[ ] you barely get any or no sleep.
[X] you are anti-social. [...which is an oxymoron coz I hate being alone sometimes =w=;;]
[X] you have very high self esteem at times. [//always has high intellectual/philisophical esteem, but very low social/exterior beauty esteems OTL]
[ ] you are abusing alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
Total: 3

BULIMA NERVOSA

[ ] you throw up all of your food.
[ ] you throw it up even when you don't feel sick.
[ ] you have no control over how you eat.
[X] you use laxatives.
[X] you have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out. [...it's called training]
[ ] you always say you are fat, when you aren't. [is fat.]
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
Total: 2

CONDUCT DISORDER

[ ] you are a bully.
[ ] you threaten other people.
[ ] you often find yourself in fights.
[X] you have used a weapon that could cause injury to others. [PIPE.]
[ ] you are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[ ] you have raped/molested someone.
[ ] you destroy property on purpose.
[ ] you always lie.
[ ] you stay out all night.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
Total: 1

DEPRESSION

[ ] you are always sad.
[ ] you find no hope in your future.
[ ] you find no longer excitement over the activities you used to love.
[X] you always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[X] you can be/are anti-social. [//misanthropic for most part.]
[X] you have low self esteem.
[ ] everything bad that happens is always your fault.
[ ] you always seem to be weak or have physical features hurt.
[ ] you are failing school.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
[ ] hope is no longer there for you.
Total: 4

OCD (OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER)

[X] you have daily rituals. [YES YES I BRUSH MY TEETH IN THE MORNING 8DD]
[X] you have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[ ] you have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[ ] you have to keep things in a certain order.
[X] you have harmed yourself.
[ ] you are afraid you will get an STD, AIDS, or any kind of germs.
[ ] you have to check some stuff over again.
Total: 3

PTSD (POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER)

[ ] you repeatedly have flashbacks of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[ ] you repeatedly have dreams of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[ ] you sometimes think the event will happen again.
[ ] you feel highly uncomfortable when remembered/remembering the event.
[X] you can be/are anti-social.
[ ] you have lost interest in the things you used to love.
[X] you have not had a lot of sleep lately. [....not for any internal reasons thought =A= Mostly due to work.]
[ ] you worry about dying at an early age or dying at all.
[ ] you can have angry outbursts.
[X] you act younger than your age. [//DOESN'T WANT TO GROW UP]
Total: 2

SCHIZOPHRENIA

[ ] you often have hallucinations (seeing things or hearing things that aren't there).
[X] you have strange, unusual dreams or thoughts.
[X] you can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[ ] you think people are always staring or talking about you.
[ ] you have extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[X] you have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite sex.
[ ] you do not take care of your hygiene like you should. [//CAN NOT TOLERATE DIRTY.]
[ ] you are very shy.
[X] you often talk to yourself.
Total: 4